a track for raining Sunday
it is a bitter thing that feelings toward something/somebody change all the time.
people like Stuart-the lowest of the low on the streets, outcasts even among outcasts, the uneducated chaotic homeless, the real fuck-ups-people who’ve had their social and school training lopped off at twelve: they simply don’t understand the way the big world works. they are as isolated from us normal, housed people as we are from them. if Stuart is a freak, then it is for opposite reasons: it is because he has had the superhuman strength not to be defeated by this isolation. it is because he has had the almost unbelievable social adroitness to be able to fit in smoothly with an educated, softskinned person like myself and not make me frightened half to death. if Stuart’s a freak, I salute freaks.
Stuart, life backwards, p.242
when i was a kid and mad at mom, used to eat only rice, putting water into the bowl of rice ignoring other side dishes, hoping to make mom upset.
i wonder mom’s not calling me today is like the bowl of my water soaked rice back then.
why can’t mom be a mom, daughter be a daughter forever.
…it is surprising how much of what you imagine to be your innate sense of self actually comes from things that aren’t one’s self at all:
people’s reactions to the blouse you wear, the respectfulness of your family, the attentiveness of friends, ther approval of the pictures in your living room, the neatness of your lawn, the way people whisper your name. It is these exhibitions of yourself, as reflected in the people whom you meet, which give you comfort and your identity. Take them away, be put in a tiny room and called by a number, and you begin to vanish.
It is almost the subject of a million magazine headlines-except that the magazines read ‘What your clothes say about you’; in prison, you realise they should read ‘What is left of you once your clothes have had their say?’
Stuart, a life backwards, p.101 Alexander Masters
what I found at the bookstore today.
I have been trying to buy a copy of ‘urban sketcher’ for sometime but it wasn’t available and it comes out in Korean version and I find it today!
you know, in learning there’s the lone wolf as well as the wolf who runs in the pack.
p.88 w.somerset maugham, the razor’s edge
